I get lost in the flow of time, forget to follow its track, do not find myself belonging anywhere. Suddenly my dreams turn out to be both naive and hopeless. They are not going to come true.
I'd like just to be able to see you. All these faces around are blurred. I cannot take them in.
To feel your warmth entangling me... To hear your voice... To hug you so tight that it would be almost discomfortable... I'm raving over it. Constantly.
Would it be better if you still were available?

Decision making

12/18/2010

 

Suddenly I realized that everything is up to me. I can do whatever I want, and in case somebody isn't okay with my choices, I can deal with it. There isn't anything really impossible in any of my wishes; my whole life is before me just to accomplish everything I'd like to manage to do. Any achievement can be gotten, any result can be obtained, any skill can be developed.
Such point works when you want something. The problem is, I can do with my current life conditions; it gets tough from time to time, anyway I am able to tolerate it. That is my strong point, to tolerate.
Suddenly I became aware of the fact that nobody is going to make me live. If I want to do something, I should do it without waiting for anyone's instruction. I am so used to obey that it is a tall order for me to take any decisions on my own. Real decisions, I mean.